Re:I want more! More!
rveluri@smtpgate.anl.gov
Sat, 30 May 98 14:02:02 -0600
An Objective and Obviously the Most Unbiased Look At the
Atlanta Sahitee Sadassu
( A very long post. You are fore-warned: Please Read At Your Own Risk)
My Dear Absentees:
I am really glad I made it to the First Telugu Literary Symposium in Atlanta.
And,
I am doubly glad that I have read two reviews of the Sadassu, both highly
slanted! If I
were not one of the fortunate attendees, like the lost soul Kanneganti Rama
Rao,
I would have to swallow hook, line and sinker, these "reviews(?)" posted by
Paalana & Jampala V( I know what V stands for, but won't let the cat out of
the
bag, yet!) Chowdary.
The Symposium started about 45 minutes late, because vangoori CiTTen rAju and
pemmarAju vENugOpAla rAvu had a fierce, almost fist-fight as to who should
first go
to the podium!
ciTTen rAju, having 'rAju' as a part of his name, made a highly unreasonable
demand
(my opinion!) that he, should take the role of the legendary upanishad king
janaka to start
off the aswametha yaaga, sans horse, because shooting horses is a crime in this
US of A
but, shooting bull is not! He began alluding to the brihadaaraNyakOpanishad.
On top of it,
he started reciting the kaarikaas that refer to the creation of the four
castes
by the prajaapati.
vEnugOpaala raavu, being of secular mind, refused to listen and relent.
Since,
he is the 'brahma,' the prajaapati, the ominicient Creator of this 'midhya'
namely, the
Symposium, he should have the first and the last say. As this fight was going
on, people
who did not pay for the registration, started printing their name labels at a
desk opposite
to the original registration desk, which wasmanned by one viswanAth. This
'counter'
registratration went on with the connivance of kiDAmbi raghunAth, who was
suspected to be a staunch vaishNavaiT with secret ambitions of hijacking the
show to
New Jeresey! Some people who pre-registered were denied admission, because
they
have not filled in the application properly, although the said application
appeared in the
electronic media umpteen times, posted by a dozen or so enthusiasts, who have
the
foggiest notion about the whole affair! Those who failed to fill in the
section on their
religious affiliations, political preferences, caste, sub-caste, etc., were
denied admission.
Some were genuinely embarrassed! They did not know where to mark their
sub-caste,
since there were only four slots on the registration form, for the four major
castes first
cited in the purushasooktaM.
Pandemonium prevailed. Suddenly, some one by name paalana came in the disguise
of paalana with an unshaven face and flowing hair, almost resembling the
satya saayibaabaa,
(minus the beard!). This person, rushed into the hall with two of his pupils in
silk saffrons,
both suspected to be mlEcchaas, started driving out all the holy cows, sans
gold ornamnets
on their horns, that were reserved for the yaj~na. He claimed that he was the
yaaj~navalkya,
and shouted that his maitrEyi is still resting in the microtel motel! One of
them spoke
German more fluently than Telugu!!
At this point pee. vee. jee. raavu and vaM. ci. raaju made peace with each
other such
that they could get rid of this fake yaaj~navalkya. The meeting got a start
with about
100 tired literary enthusiasts, a few of them from the motherland, who looked
totally lost,
because they were never invited to sit on the stage, as was the custom in the
mother land!
They were in a shock to find not a single chair ( I'll talk about the Chair in a
bit!) on the stage.
Finally, the meeting began without an official prayer. The fake yaaj~nvalkya
started reciting:
"yasya j~naana dayaa sindhOr - agaaDhasyaanaghaa guNaa
sEvyataamakshayO dheeraa@h .....," then, for got and filled in with
"gODa daaTitE adEsandoo!" But, some one outside the hall started reciting at
the top
of her voice, "nEnu saitam prapaMcaagniki samitha nokkaTi dhaarapOSAn..." A
few of the
attendees thought, that it is a prayer befitting the occasion! She was labeled
as a 'feminist'
and was unceremoniously shoved out!
One of the highlights is that a pupil of paalana-look-alike, started asking
the folks, their
family names and entered them into a database in the making on to his Toshiba.
According to his yet to be published report, there were about 65 brahmins, 6
kshtriyaas
(not including chiTTen rAju and his family, vaanapalli manga raaju and his
family!),
9 reDDIs, 7 chowdaries(not to be confused with the Bengaalee baaboos!).
Unfortunately,
the affiliation and the caste sub-divisions of the rest of the attendees was
totally shrouded
in mystery, and is left as a research topic for the posterity!
(On the second day, some one was whispered that one of the un-classified
fellows was actually
registered as Mohammed Ghouse Rats-Tayeeya, and he was suspected to be a
Pakistani agent
employed by the CIA.)
As to the proceedings, the less said, the better. The theme was exactly the
same as some one
has predicted way back in one of these lists. By the way, what was his
prediction?
Every one, reiterated, directly or indirectly, that telugu is the greatest of
the languages
that was ever invented by the homo sapiens. (One must not forget that there was
dEvabhaasha, invented by the gods for the benefit of a few!) No body provided
any proof
as to why telugu was touted as the greatest of the languages. It could be
traced to some
British conspiracy, or to the classical explanation of Brownian motion! But,
all of them
agreed , that they have to seriously strive, at any cost, to preserve and
freeze the telugu
culture for posterity. Some one from the audience even offered to import
sesame seed oil,
red peppers from gunTooru, and salt from danDi for this sacred act of
preservation. A
motion to use vinegar instead, has been unanimously rejected for religious and
unknown
cultural reasons.
Almost every one present read poems, short stories or songs. Some came too
close to
sinaarE's gajaLLu. There was a long poem read by a new poet waiting with his
other works
on the assembly line, entitled 'paaTalO EmuMdi nA boMda.' It was given
standing ovation
for its complex and highly sanskritized alliterations and anupraasa! Every
critic in the
audience thought, that this poet has a great potential, political future, and
could even be
our next j~naanapeeTh awardee, if and only if he immediately returns to India,
finds a
mentor and publish there at least one book a year, like aabdeekaM!
On the second day, again this fellow paalana who disguised himself as paalana
forcibly
occupied the stage and started reading his jamukula paaTalu and would not
relent. The
audience enjoyed, but the organizers wanted him to quit. He went on! Actually,
he felt
that he was in ganjaam or some where in those tribal areas, and started driving
on the
wrong side of the sadassu! He used simple and basic monosyllabic words from
the
east coast, akin to savara bhaasha! in his poems. Purists were shocked and got
scared
because there were not a single sanskrit word in the entire piece!! Yet, he
had the gall
to call it poetry! One chando-enthusiast was seriously trying to apply the
classic rules of
prosody to find the verse form, but was completely lost. I have stealthily told
him that
this is an old vRttaM, known as gaddaravikreeDitam!
On grounds of poor statistics and bad logic, only one person rejected the idea
of
putting even a single chair on the stage, although he did not object to either
the mike or
the rostrum, or to the import of palm-leaf mats from aakiveeDu or gOkavaram, in
lieu of
Chairs! He even cited the poor state of the Polish, the sad situation of the
Sicilian mafia,
who never could put a single Chair on the stage; and questioned why should we?
His
voice was lost in the din, but he made his point in the most resounding fashion!
Almost all the folks who were awarded prizes were absent. One fellow from
Atlanta,
a member of the organizing committee, who was present to take an award of
third prize
for his brother, (the prize is a certificate on a foam plate signed by the chef
who cooked
the lunch!) was mad and stole a gold medal that came all the way from India,
and ran
away. The gold medal should have gone to some one in Austin Texas, who
registered but
never showed up! ( Several Austinites were happy that they have bagged almost
all the
prizes second time in a row, were drunk with joy, found jay-walking in the
Atalanta Downtown!
Their absence was severely felt the second day!) A police report was lodged
by the
organizers. Until the medal is recovered, the first prize winner who will have
to be satisfied
with another certificate signed by the assistant chef who fried paapads and
prepared saambaar.
velcEru naaraayaNa raavu held his court during the first night at the
micromotel, and it
seems, it went on and on into the wee hoursa of the next morning! Those who met
naaraayaNa raavu for the first time got thoroughly flabbergasted and remembered
nothing
of what prof. velcEru said! Those who knew it, never made to the show!! All
these folks,
made it to the second day a couple of hours late!! (We were told that iMdragaMTi
padma was
taking notes at every opportunity!)
For my part, I have brought my imported vaikuTha paali ( also known as
paramapada
sOpaana paTham!), minus the dice (gavvalu) and there was no one to play. I have
played
against myself, improvising with Georgia peanuts as dice, and have been
bitten by
the big snake twice, even though, I cheated my imaginary opponent several times
during the games!
Finally, A quiz to Kanneganti Rama Rao: ( Kanneganti Chandrasekara Rao is
disqualified
from participating!)
1. The 'V' in Jampala Chowdary's name:
a) Venkanna b) Venkayya c) Veeraiah d) Victory e) none of the above
2. How many toupees did Bapa Rao wear during the two days?
a) none b) one c) two d)eleven d) several but they are optically invisible
3. Did Veluri mention sinaare even once, with a glitter in his eye?
a) Yes b) No c) Veluri started reading the 102 pages of maTTI manishee aakaaSam
and fainted after the first page
4) Who won the first prize for guessing the name of Suresh's wife?
a) Suresh b) Suresh's wife c) The 'Iceman' for the Wedding Cake d) The
proprietor of
Haveli Restaurant e) Not me
That's about it.
Have fun.
V R Veluri